I’ll bet you that you can’t read the following without laughing or giggling or smiling.
Here goes. Try to keep a straight face!
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” -- Mark Twain
“How come it’s a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents’ worth in? Somebody’s making a penny.” – Steven Wright
“Coffee just isn’t my cup of tea.” – Samuel Goldwyn
“One nice thing about egotists – they don’t talk much about other people.” -- Lucille S. Harper
“I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn’t.” – Steven Wright
“I would have given my right arm to have been a pianist.” – Bobby Robson
“I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member.” – Groucho Marx
“Have you ever noticed? Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.” – George Carlin
“When we played softball, I’d steal second, feel guilty and go back.” – Woody Allen
“With my dog I don’t get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don’t want to go out. He wants me to leave.” – Rodney Dangerfield”
“Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.” – Yogi Berra
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield
